Green Crazy Jr
by follied
Summary: To me, Harry Osborn looked a hella like Loki from the Avengers (not the comics mind you). So what if Harry really is a Lokison, a product of Loki's infamous trysts? In which Harry Osborn is friends with benefits with Peter Parker, and the Avengers get to meet a son of Loki unwillingly, and Loki is trying to escape prison, and succeeds. (T for occasional swearing/innuendoes)
1. Chapter 1

**My start of a new life on fanfiction. This is the result of a very eager plot bunny that has been hopping in my brain for a while. So enjoy. No flames or you get a CIAO and never come back!**

**From your beloved reincarnation of** _**perciniem**._

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**Warnings: Not much. But beware of potentially bad grammar if you are particularly stuck up about it. Give me a break. I'm not a native English speaker. Fortunately for those smart-arses out there (jk) I'll accept any corrections in the form of pm or review, providing that it is courteous and genteel enough to not harm my ego. Unfortunately, for those who are addicted to sending out flamers, I'll ignore you as if you are just a minuscule ant about to be crushed by my boot, which you'll be once I read the flamer. On that note, have fun and read this story! **

**Also, I'm considering setting this story at post-Avengers and post-Spider-man 1.**

**-follied :{)**

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Chapter 1: Meeting the Team

"Is it just me that finds the fact that Loki- bag of cats, god of going cray cray- having a son is weird?" Tony Stark commented nonchalantly. Everyone seemed inclined to ignore him so Tony started pouting.

"So what you are saying, Director Fury, is that apparently, not only do I have a step-dad who is a super villain, I have a dad who is a super villain as well." Harry asked in a calm voice. He is quite obviously still in shock.

"Yep kid. That's what he said," Hawkeye eyed him suspiciously while smoothing his hand over the bow in an innocent way. Harry didn't believe the smile on almost every Avenger's face except for the Black Widow's for one second, and thought himself crazy for taking comfort in the emotionless face the _very deadly_ assassin is currently sporting.

Harry shook his head and begun muttering quietly madly. "Ok. I'm done. I'm done done done done done DONE. Next thing you're going to tell me is that nerdy Peter Parker is Spiderman."

"But Peter _is _Spiderman," the old captain seems confused, "didn't he tell you?" Harry is _so-godamn-done_. It seems that not only is his whole life a lie, but apparently his _nerdy best friend_ (with benefits) is also the fucking superhero that Harry hated with all his heart.

"Of course he didn't tell me!" Harry is pulling his hair now. He knows that he looks deranged, but that's exactly what he is feeling like currently. Good thing the Daily Bugle photographers are not here, otherwise Harry just _knows _that tomorrow's headline will be something like, _'News Flash: Osborn Heir Finally Gone Around the Bend!_'

"Yes, Harry son of Osborn. It seems that you were conceived by a woman who caught my brother's interest when he was on Midgard to enjoy the pleasures of the mortal flesh." The thunder god had said that all in one breath mechanically. Now that Harry thought of it, the thunder god didn't look at all happy to see him.

"For an uncle, you sure don't seem happy to see me," Harry commented plainly. Not that he's sad or disappointed or whatever, as he _is_ used to loveless relatives. He's just curious.

"Loki was engaged to Vanaheim's princess Sigyn at that time," Thor replied, this time looking a bit apologetic, "and due to your existence, Vanaheim is currently declaring war on Asgard for Loki's improprieties." Tony whistled.

"You mean that bag of cats is engaged?" The unheard question of '_who the hell would want to marry that psycho?_' floated in the air, unsaid but heard by all.

"Political engagement. But no, Loki is not engaged," Thor answered a bit stiffly.

"But you just said-"

"Loki _was _engaged. He's married now," Thor answered easily. There was a moment of silence. You can say that it is 'the calm before the storm'.

"Loki's married-?"

"Why would he even be engaged in the first place-?"

"Oh my god, the guy who tried to throw me out of the window is married-"

"Hey Pete, guess what, I'm in the Avengers tower now and you know what they just told me? That I'm actually the bastard son of-"

"No!" Harry felt his phone being snatched out of his hand.

"Hey! Give it back!" Harry tried to get _his_ phone back that is currently held out of his reach by his supposed uncle. The key word being _tried_.

"Until we know what to do with you, you are not to tell anyone of your real birth father!" Fury shouts over the ruckus that is currently happening in the tower. Everybody is startled into silence at once. Seems like everybody has forgotten about the one-eyed director on the screen.

Harry is fuming by now. His phone is gone, his best friend is not beside him to calm him down and apparently SHIELD wants to do something to him. "What do you mean by 'what to do with me'?" Harry demanded. "I'm the CEO of Oscorp Industries! Norman Osborn's sole heir! You can't do anything to me!"

Fury pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed noisily. The action was so... _mundane _that it silenced the Osborn heir who was about to go on a rant about how a person like him will not, _should not_, have anything done to him, that he is an Osborn and he shall not have any inferiors treating him this way, that he is the _best friend with benefits _of _Spiderman_, and damn it he really needed a goddamn drink right now.

"Hey Stark!" Harry suddenly looked at Tony's liquor cabinet with a slightly manic glint in his eyes. Tony narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah?" Nobody is _ever _allowed near his alcohol. _Nobody_. Well, maybe except for Pepper, and Brucie, and Nat, and the little Hawk, and perhaps Thor, and... whatever.

"Can I have some... you know," Harry nodded his head towards Tony's impressive collection of alcohol.

"Nope," Tony said popping the p.

"Come on man, please?" Harry widened his eyes a bit pathetically. He isn't sure that will work as he only ever tried it on Peter, but he needs to take a chance. He's _that _desperate. "Pretty please with a cherry on top?" Oh man he's begging now. An Osborn is begging a Stark. What would his not-dad say if he sees him now? Whatever, Harry doesn't care.

"No!" Harry narrowed his eyes at the way-too happy-looking billionaire. Fine. Two people can play this game.

"Ok." Then without a further moment's notice, Harry looked up and shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Dad!" The avengers can only look at the screaming young man with horror. "Yo daddy! Can you send me some alcohol for my 'friends' and me from wherever you are? Come on please! Scotch is preferred. Specifically a single malt, please?"

"What the hell dude!" Hawkeye is staring at him in anger and an arrow is pointed at him. Harry just smirked and raised both his hand up to pacify the agitated avenger.

"Dude, jumpy much? I needed alcohol. Mr Iron Man didn't give it to me. Might as well put my godly dad to use right?" Harry can see Stark looking at him open-mouthed. Harry shrugged.

"Well, seems like Loki isn't that good a dad. Didn't even send me some scotch. At least the ol' man at home dying now did." Everyone just looked at him nonplussed and the good Captain America seemed quite stupefied at the way he is taking the old man's death so lightly. Silence pervaded the room until Tony Stark started cracking up.

"I like you kid! You can go through the Cabinet anytime you want," Tony Stark said this all in a very grandiose way.

"Thanks," Harry answered drily, "Can I go now?" Fury nodded silently, albeit with a bit of reluctance. But Harry can see that the director doesn't really want anything to do with the crazies in front of him currently.

"Thank you," this was said _extremely graciously_, with no sarcasm underlining the words _at all_.

"Well, ciao! It was nice meeting the famous heroes of New York, but now I've got to run. Still need to do stuff about the old man's death you know. Arrange parties, invite pretty girls, convince the stuffy old business partners of my dad to have a laser tag in the graveyard, fuck my friend into my dad's mattress... I lead a _very _busy life. So again, see you! Buh bye, Eye-patch, female Spidey, Birdman, Goldilocks, Captain 70-year-old-virgin, green not-a-goblin and metal man! Bye!"

Waving cheerily at the annoyed group in front of him, the young billionaire went off to do god knows what, or perhaps, _a who_...

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**So, tell me is it good or bad. Should continue or should not continue. Destroy or not destroy. **

**From with love, **

**follied :P**


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chappie! (Though you should already know that if you are mentally capable off reading this fic.)**

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**Warnings: Still same as last chapter's. Except there's not much swearing in this. Oh wait, there should be one warning given out before you read this chapter. Wait for it... _WARNING: VERY SERIOUS CONVERSATION BETWEEN OUR FAVOURITE TWO BESTIES._**

**Disclaimer: On first chappie so I shall not say more. Same goes to later chapters.**

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Chapter 2: A Conversation Between the Spawn of Green Goblin and Spiderman

"Hey Pete," Harry spoke quietly into the phone a bit hesitantly, "Can you come over? Now?"

On the other side of the phone Peter stammered a bit at the sudden demand of his presence at the Osborn penthouse before grinning brightly and agreed quickly. "Then I'll see you in twenty, k?" Harry asks, demanded really.

"Should I bring MJ over too?" Peter asks a bit slowly. They're still a bit awkward about Mary Jane after all, and Peter doesn't really want risking his best friend becoming angry at him just when Harry is finally reaching out after his father's death.

There's a long pause of silence during which Peter starts pacing in agitation, is Harry angry? When the answer finally came, Peter is relieved that his friend is not pissed off at him mentioning the girl they both liked. "Umm... No! No. Just get your ass over here ok?" Harry said a bit laughingly, though the laugh seems to sound a bit forced.

"Ok then... are you ok Harry? You sound a bit mad. Like not _mad _mad, just mad, like crazy mad, I mean you are not _crazy_, but just then your laugh sounded a bit _crazy_, not that it means you are crazy-" Peter started rambling and he just _knows _that his face is now red with effort from trying to get more words out. From the other end of the line, Peter can practically feel the amusement rolling off of his friend in waves.

"I mean do you want to talk about your dad and stuff like that. But you _know _I'm not good at that kind of stuff. Maybe I _should _bring MJ? I mean she is much better at this kind of stuff than I am. But you want a private conversation right? Is that why you only invited me and not her? Or is it because you think it might be a bit awkward. But I'm sure we can work it out, I mean-"

"Pete!" Harry is most definitely laughing now, if the sound coming out of Peter's phone is any indication, "Just get your skinny ass over here!"

"Ok ok!"

Fifteen minutes later, Peter parked his motorcycle in front of the huge penthouse in the middle of the city. There he met Harry for the first time since his father's funeral. Peter still remembers the night of Mr Osborn's death in vivid detail. Eyes filled with so much insanity that they seem clouded over, cleared suddenly when the blades from the Green Goblin's glider nailed Norman Osborn's body to a dusty brick wall and the once proud billionaire pleading Peter- _'Peter, don't tell Harry._' Then when Peter had brought back Mr Osborn's body, just as Harry came down and therefore saw them, Harry had shouted in a horrified voice as if seeing a monster for the first time- '_What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?_' The younger _undead _Osborn had picked up a gun and knowing that his best friend is aiming a gun at him and now hates him- well, not _him _specifically, more like Spiderman- sends shivers of unpleasantness down his spine. And later on at the funeral, when Harry had said that- '_I didn't lose my father. He was stolen from me. Spiderman_ _WILL pay_'-Peter had felt a twinge of regret. The pain came when Harry had said that Peter is a great friend, now Harry's only family, and knowing that he will _never _be able to tell Harry that Peter _himself_ is Spiderman out of his own cowardliness brought discomfort upon him.

"Hey Pete," Harry greeted him tiredly. Peter could see dark circles under Harry's eyes. Harry must have not slept well recently then, though at least he looked much more healthier the last time Peter saw him.

"Hey," Peter greeted him happily and smiled slightly awkwardly at him. The smile dropped a bit when Harry just continued staring at him with a slightly weird expression on his face.

After a minute, Harry seemed to snap out of whatever he fell into and hurriedly stepped aside. "So yeah! Come on in. Make yourself at home and stuff like that I suppose," he waved a hand slightly lazily at the direction of the penthouse and followed Peter in once he closed the door. As the door thumped close, Peter felt as if something is about to happen, and that it will not be something Peter will enjoy.

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"So... are you ok?"_ 'Wow, Peter. Smooth. His dad died two weeks ago. Do you honestly think the poor guy will be ok?' 'Shut up.' _And now Peter is starting to talk to himself. Should he be worried about becoming mentally ill? Maybe having the Daily Bugle calling him a menace to society is finally driving Peter around the bend.

"Yeah? Maybe," Harry sat down on one of the couches and patted the space next to him. Peter sat down quietly on the edge and started fiddling with his shirt hem.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Peter asks finally, unable to continue on with the tension filling the room.

"Just sit there and let me think for a bit Pete, please?" Harry muttered out with a vacant look in his eyes. Peter grew even more uncomfortable with that comment.

"Oh okay," Peter doesn't feel really good right now, but what can he do?

"I don't hate you, you know," Harry said suddenly. Mentally, Harry winced. _'Wow, Harry. Who says that to their best friend? You totally screwed up this conversation and now you have to clean up the mess.' 'Shut up.'_

"Wha- What?" Peter felt dread piling in him. He knew he should have trusted his gut and never came to the house.

"I know you are Spiderman, Pete," at that Peter grew even more pale, "BUT...I just wanted to tell you I don't hate you."

Peter smiled slightly in relief. "Really?" Looks like he's not going to lose his best (and only) friend after all.

"Yeah, really Pete. I could never hate you."

"You have no idea how happy that makes me." Peter is mentally whooping and dancing now. His largest _dirtiest _secret is out and Harry doesn't hate him!

"Doesn't mean I'm not angry at you for not telling me that you are _the_ amazing Spiderman, New York's vigilante extraordinaire," Harry joked slightly. The tense atmosphere seems to have dissipated slightly, though not entirely.

"Oh, okay. What should I tell you then?" Peter asks a bit hesitantly.

"Lets start with my dad's death then, shall we?" _'Damn you god.' _Peter thought unhappily.

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**So, review for me please? (•_‡)**

**\- follied :[)**


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